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Becoming "Marriage Warriors"

Becoming "Marriage Warriors"
by Marty Friedman

 

Fatherhood has changed so much in the last twenty or thirty years that it would be almost unrecognizable to my father. He was a member of the last generation of hard-working fathers who were remote figures to their children. Men have always thrown themselves into their work--that's where we usually feel the most powerful and successful. In the last twenty or thirty years, fathers have become much more loving, friendly and caring parents to their children. That's the good news. The bad news is that many fathers are still so intensely focused on their work--and children--that they are letting their marriages wither on the vine.

I often think that we men treat getting married like buying a refrigerator: we go out and buy one, set it up, plug it in, and then expect it to run for a long, long time without any maintenance or cleaning. Recently, a man told me, "My marriage must be going OK, because if it isn't, my wife would've yelled at me about it!" Most men don't want to think too much about their marriages. They especially don't want to talk about them. If you want to see a man squirm, watch him when his wife says, "Let's talk about the relationship". In general, men hope their marriages will run on automatic while they go out to conquer the world.

We men tend to use our masculine power, our "warrior spirit", to create a good career for ourselves and to provide for our families. We want to believe that our efforts will be enough to keep our marriages going. For thousands of years, providing for, and protecting, one's family was enough for most marriages. In the 21st Century, however, women have much more economic and social power, and the stigma of divorce has lessened. As a consequence, women expect more from their husbands today and feel freer to leave their marriages if they aren't satisfied. Of course, both men and women have high expectations for marriage: we each expect to feel loved, respected and fulfilled through our marriages, and we are often sorely disappointed.

Men today are often confused about what's required of us in the area of marriage. We want to make it work. But, it feels like women and therapists have all the answers and can speak a unique "relationship language", while we can't even find the dictionary! So, we continue working hard and caring for our children. In fact, in many families today the pendulum has swung away from parent-centered marriages to child-centered ones, where the couple's focus is always on raising "perfect" children.

We parents do a disservice to our children when we give them the message that they are the center of the family. Kids need the safety and stability of close, loving parents at the family's center. This is why Notre Dame University President Emeritus Reverend Theodore Hesburgh said, "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

What I tell couples is simple: put your marriage first, and your children second. Make your marriage the sun, and think of your children as the planets that revolve around you, benefiting from your love and the solidity and strength of your relationship.

 

To accomplish this, we men have to become "relationship warriors", as well as warriors in the world of work.

Men are naturally inclined to act, to build and to solve problems. We have the power to dream and put our dreams into concrete action, and to make powerful commitments and stick to them. We are able to keep our distance from the daily swirl of feelings, because our biology allows us to focus intensely on our outward "prey". Men have the power to stand for something great and to fight for it with resolve.

According to many experts, male testosterone and thousands of years of evolution give men the ability and inclination to be warriors, to respond to external stimulation with aggression and ambition. Now it's time for us to be relationship warriors, to act in a uniquely masculine way, and to stand up for our marriages as vehicles for love, growth and true fulfillment. We men can stand firm in our marriage commitment, holding onto a vision for marriage success with strength and purpose. We can learn to take full responsibility, to pull our own weight in marriage, and not expect our wives to do all the heavy relationship lifting. We also can learn to tune-in to our spouses and appreciate and listen to them better.

It's time to stop expecting our marriages to run on automatic. It's time to be relationship warriors and to commit ourselves 100% to creating an alive, powerful marriage!

Submitted By:
Last Submitted Date: 2011-01-27
 

 
 
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News & Events
Matri News

Good News for people planning to marry or are arranged to get marry but tense how and when, As per government new guideline not more than 50 guests can be there in marriage function. Now All can fix up date for special day.




Matri News

Good News for people planning to marry or are arranged to get marry but tense how and when, As per government new guideline not more than 50 guests can be there in marriage function. Now All can fix up date for special day.




Matri News

Family Planning is necessary in coming time government may plan certain advantages for the people those who dont have more than two kids, so for your family good future Ham Do Hamare Do (We Two Our Two)




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Matri News

Indian wedding is full of funfilled, thrilling, and exciting ceremonies and rituals. First function is the Roka Ceremony which is the first step to declare a permanent engagement or fixation of relation between two. In Punjab, Himachal Pradesh, Jammu and Kashmir this is Roka ceremony and UP, Bihar it start with Tilak ceremony.




Matri News

Difference between Punjabi Brahmins and UP Brahmins is they do Roka Ceremony and UP Brahmin do Tilak Ceremony for making permanent engagement or can call a fixation of marriage.




Matri News

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Matri News

Family Planning- Population is a very big issue in our country, educated people we can find in hope of boy keep on giving birth and result big family expensive family, always think and plan family as per pocket best formula is We Two Our Two




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

In last 5yrs I have seen in my neighbor the people got and gift cars from swift, Lodgy, Scorpio, Toyota Fortuner. Now more good option in car gift to newly married couple can be seen in future




Matri News

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Matri News

Financial planning and Family Planning both should be correct to live a happy life, Wrong investment in money and wrong investment in relationship both destroy future.




Matri News

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Matri News

In big corporates, there I see many boys and girls are above 35 now and still unmarried they are either having a bad relationship experience or didnot get a match of their choice




Matri News

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Matri News

Parents sometime scared when going to marry their only boy if they are confident he is virgin, right time a different community should be declared as girlfrnd- boyfrnd community these people can go for arrange marriage in community only-save virgin boys




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

Arrange marriage and Love marriage- Boys- Blank Check- In Arrange marriage where cash is also the part of engagement deal, their father or relatives dont want to see their blank check become useless in love marriage.




Matri News

Virginity is still a hot issue out of 100 more than 80% still look for Virgin girl to get marry. Metro cities or small cities condition is same.




Matri News

Pre-marital Videos and photography in romantic postures and dance on love music on different places, idea is gaining popularity in India




Matri News

In marriage the most important part is confidence in decision if u are confuse u can take help of matrimonial detectives to make an enquiry of prospects




Matri News

Affairs create problems in marriage, can cause tremendous  emotional distress on family, wife, children.




Matri News

Marry when u want to, not when you find there is a pressure on you to get marry but always try to marry at right time specially in case of female this is not a fight in between male and female but biological reason behind female body.




Matri News

No body want to be poor and marry to a poor person, even a girl living in L.I.G apartment dream to get marry a family in which everything is there A.C., Car etc and result u can find the A.C. and cars in L.I.G area also




Matri News

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Matri News

Getting marry with NRI few find risky and try to find the match from the known sources.Dont ever try to put NRI into risk and yourself, by using this beautiful relationship just to get settle somewhere in other country out of India.




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

Marry Marry Marry big task the people really got worried when they find their kids grown up and ready.




Matri News

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Matri News

Animals play a vital role in our life, keeping a pet at home is a good idea to make life cheer up or boost the mood, sometime helps in married life.




Matri News

Physical attraction is good for married life in couples, that keep them fall in love with each other and getting attracted to or going in bed with somebody else chance less




Matri News

Most desired spouse by female a person after marriage there will not be extra responsibility in family like no unmarried younger brother or sister only husband and she.




Matri News

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Matri News

Family Planning is necessary, a person is in need of calculation at every place in making family also, so be calculative, how much or how many wealthy u want to be in future.




Matri News

Sex Education is necessary, this will play a big role in making married life good and enjoyable. Read few books will help to do the right things and good moves.




Matri News

The trend change people thinking also change earlier most of the things arrange by parents in marriage now the spouse like to do it themselves.




Matri News

Now photography has changed, the pre-marital videos are getting popular, the would be couple are getting attracted to it and making the lifetime memorial videos as people usually sees in movies only, the romantic, full of love.




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

This is a myth that a man should always be sexually experienced to make his married life full of love and happy




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

In Sahibabad- The rent of Banquet Lawn a good location one is 2.5 Lakh excluding catering in Rajendra Nagar.




Wild Life Promotion

Tiger




Matri News

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Matri News

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Matri News

Divorce are getting increase there are many precautions to be taken so that your time and emotions dont get spoil so inspect and satisfy yourself before going to get marry think of future almost all probability and combinations, plannings.




Matri News

Aids awareness is necessary as this is the biggest threat to a family so before getting marry always go for H.I.V test




Matri News

People talk very confidently for marriage, requirement clear what type of spouse they want as whole life they have to spend with each other so no lies especially showing their assets movable,immovable,qualification,age,family and even premarital if any




Matri News

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Matri News

Need To Get Marry?- Family, Friend For Life, Money, Kids, Home, Security




Matri News

Family Planning is very necessary still we find many people those who dont go for it they keep on giving birth to kids and big family later on when their assets divide they get small shares, small family always big share wealthy life




Matri News

Love with in husband-wife is necessary, In arrange marriage every thing is arrange as per rituals- Husband&Wife both take pledge and do promises to make life full of love, care, respectful. This is to keep in mind as this is not fun, this is life




Matri News

Intercaste Marriage is very common now a days resistance from the society and community is there but somewhere political support, and on the name of broadmind the wrong use and crime increased in this Pavitra Bandhan (Pure Relationship)




Matri News

Marriage for girl is going to enter in a new family permanently as per rituals the father mother do kanya dan with all necessary things usable in her life to make a begining&raising of a family with her husband,leaving family of father mother where she born




Matri News

Always do your satisfaction before getting marry know everything qualification, job, business, income, home income, the way of living, locality where they leave as sometime later on the location of inlaws create trouble and result divorce




Matri News

Matri News- In marriage many things matter between two persons 1) Looks, figure, physique 2) Money, Status, Living 3) Sex, Love 4) Family-Nuclear, Joint, Urban, Rural




Matri News

Dowry its not there this is gone we ourselves give it as this is custom, the people give it as per their capacity to bride before sending her to grooms home, At many places people demand is also there they called it a status symbol




Matri News

For marriage a legal system is needed that everybody has to get marry by this age in the country, no of kids should not be more than two and for contribution in controling population certain rewards should be there for people.




Matri News

Marriage in metro cities, consideration? family size, money, home, size of home, car, number of cars, number of relationship before marriage




Matri News

Marriage- People are there those who do No Demand marriage and Kharcha Less marriage. The difference in No Demand there is no expectation just rituals and the general marriage. In Kharcha less marriage the no of guest less, only rituals.




Matri News

Falling in love with your wife? sometimes in married relationship we forget to give time for each other while running for bread and butter for family or run after money, we should try to make things balance, love and time for the family, for wife is necessary




Matri News

Save Girl, This is very necessary we are in need to save our girl everywhere from birth, education, on road. We all in need of girls to make sister, wife, mother. Rape of a girl- Rape of everything what we have. Rape of our relations,Rape of a Family.




Matri News

Sex before the age of 18 for girls and 21 for boys is crime , u can not even get marry if do it by mistake and if somebody is raped than hang till death




Matri News

we sometime mix relationship with business, getting marry with someone to start a life, not to start a business, so business and relationship try to keep difference




Matri News

Youngsters are involved in sex very early now a days, Girl Frnd- Boy Frnd relationship, aids awareness is necessary as there are still the people not do sex before marriage more scared




Matri News

Change in gifting cars to groom in marriage today, the lowest is swift, Brezza, I-20 goes to Fortuner, BMW, Mercedez, Volvo XC90  no limit




Matri News

Now a days a new change has come up into marriage world which is gaining popularity and a bit scary, people has started living with two wives simultaneously. This is increasing in society.




Matri News

 Marriage- Marriage Phobia- is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent, uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage.




Health

Apple fruit is rich in vitamin contents. Some of the vitamins found vitamin A, vitamin B1, vitamin B2, vitamin B3, vitamin B5, vitamin B6, vitamin B9, vitamin C.  Apple fruit contains many minerals. Minerals in apple fruit, among others, calcium, magnesium, potasium, iron, and zinc.

 

 




Matri News

Why even getting perfect astro match compatibility, the people are not getting marry even when they are beautiful too




Dance-Classical

Flamenco dance is an expressive dance form that mixes percussive footwork with intricate hand, arm and body movements. Flamenco is a Spanish art consisting of three forms: Cante, the song, Baile, the dance, and Guitarra, guitar playing.




Matri News

Male and Female are getting involved into the matri crime, they get marry bec of  money, cases seen in the past and than divorce or kill the spouse so before finalising inspect and satisfy yourself completely.




Matri News

Family Planning- This rule is in implementation from 1970’s Hum Do Hamare Do but because of laziness of all the government's and law our population has reached to 131 cr, strict and hard measures are required.




Matri Pledge

Man mein hai vishwas,pura hai vishwas ek din toh engage hum ho jayenge koshish karte rahenge vivah hum kar ke rahenge




Matri News

Stop sex selection, Save the girl child. Preconception sex selection and pre-natal sex determination is a criminal offence. For Husband/family members or any other person abetting sex selection upto 3 years of imprisonment with a fine up to Rs 50,000 for the first offence and upto 5 yrs of imprisonment with fine up to Rs 1 Lakh for subsequent offence. Every offence under the PC&PNDT Act is cognizable, Non-Bailable and Non-Compoundable- Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, Government Of India.




Matri News

Marriage Legal Age- As per govt ruling the legal age of marriage for male more than 21 yrs and for female more than 18 yrs.




Matri News

Registration of marriages are mandatory for all religion, you will now have to register your marriage within 60 days. failure will be fined upto 1000 Rs.




Matri News

Having sexual relations with a woman against her will or without her consent amounts to rape under the IPC. If the consent was obtained on a false assurance or promise of marriage, the consent cannot be considered to be full and free and it would be a case of rape.




Desirable Women

Desirable Women: Is it solely about a pretty face or a career accomplishment?  Is it about having perfect proportions or about being wife material? Desirability isn’t any one of these things, but all of them. You chose women who represent the complete package of beauty, brains, ambition and charm. The women who make all our hearts skip a collective beat.




Matri Precaution

A condom is barrier device commonly used during sexual intercourse to reduce the probability of pregnancy and spreading sexually transmitted diseases. Precaution is better than cure but in case you forgot to take precaution while having sex, there might not be much scope to reverse the unwanted consequences. Always Use Condom, No need to shy while asking for condom at medical store, this is a precaution nothing to worry or tense, good for health for both male and female. There are various types of condoms available in the market always go for good one as this is the question of life.





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Matrimonial Profile Highlighter

Arun Nalin Vilawan, Punjabi Saraswat Brahmin,Birth-1984, Ht-5'10'', Business Family, Residence in Bangkok, Thailand, Interested family or females from India or settled abroad can contact with detail. parikshitrampal@gmail.com




Matrimonial Profile Highlighter

Name: Rachna Nalin Wilawan
D.O.B.: 15Nov1982
T.O.B.: 10:13 A.M.
Place Of Birth: Nakhon Swan, Thailand
Ht- 5’2”
Caste: Pb. Saraswat Brahmin
Qualification: Graduation, Business Management from London, Working as Asstt. Contract Manager
Brief: Looking for intelligent, caring, understanding professionally qualified life partner, well settled in Australia, U.S.A., London, Thailand. Family is settled in Thailand. Early Marriage
Contact with photograph & detail: parikshitrampal@gmail.com, 09716434508





Successful Story

We married 6yrs back, happy married life.


 
 
 
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